i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
