She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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