I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize