You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
then he tried to convert me to islam
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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