Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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