pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He passed out mid-signature
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
