You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We left an ass print on the piano.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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