She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Boobs are out for the taking
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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