guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
