absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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