he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
