So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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