I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
