So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
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The struggles of a small town man whore
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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