24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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