3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
