My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
