dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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