I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Randomize
