I wanna bring you to show and tell
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
