how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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