sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
