Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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