You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
This gyro tastes like lonliness
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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