i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
BRING THE BAGELS
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
