i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
