Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
