I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
