pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
How does one acquire holy water?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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