Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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