She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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