Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
