Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
