Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
