yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
