Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
