if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
