i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
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Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
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The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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