I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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