be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You are a genius and a whore.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize