If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
how do you play pong handcuffed?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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