my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
