Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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