I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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