I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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