I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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