her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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