I showed him my bush... on skype.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
