I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
