is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Randomize
