matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
