...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
