So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
