would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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