Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
