Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
