youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
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