I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
