I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
