He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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