Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
