dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
