And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
