dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
