dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
