Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
