I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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