I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
