I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
