i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Randomize
