Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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