did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
