I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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