Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
