ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
