whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
