Kiss
Puke
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
