I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
